this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize