You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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