dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
