i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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