i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
