I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
