But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Randomize
