I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
