I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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