No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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