# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
