i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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