Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
