These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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