...so i touched it.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
