he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
