Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
