I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
