They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
