im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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