Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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