i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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