Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
