I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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