so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
