Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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