i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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