It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
