Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
