atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
