i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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