The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
