things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Be still, my beating vagina.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
