I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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