Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
