I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
