Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
