dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
