I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
should my penis look like a turkey
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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