Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
