I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize