He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
