Just fell off a train. Bad.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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