Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
