Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
