the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
