I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
