I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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