i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
