Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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