You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
