a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
