Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
