we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
