oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
