She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
