im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
