I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
