Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
