Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize