NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
