i was rollin on her like bob the builder
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
