She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
