I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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