You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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