how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
