im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
