At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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