you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
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