Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i was born a porn star she said
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
